Things I've learned...

There are many things that I have learned about being a mother to a child that has cancer. Some are more valuable than others.

1. Don't think it won't happen to you: Statistically speaking, a child is diagnosed with cancer every 3 minutes.  Let that sink in for just a moment. That is an awful lot of precious children that have to endure such a painful journey. 

2. Make everything a game: Nobody wants to have cancer. It's not fun. It sucks the life out of everyone and everything involved. The best piece of advice I can give to a parent is to make the journey a game. Make it fun. Whatever way your child can understand it, do it. Use a special doll or teddy bear and have the toy experience the same thing your child is getting ready to. (Shot, blood draw, pressure reading, etc) Believe me it will make the journey more bearable especially on a young child.

3. Let them eat what they want: I have zero issue with the fact that most days my child will eat either Macaroni & Cheese for breakfast or Chicken Nuggets. While that may not be ideal to a parent of a healthy child, for my own whatever food I can get into her is what it is. Going through chemotherapy and radiation treatment alters your taste buds in ways you probably couldn't even imagine. Favorite foods become nausea triggers and sometimes become favorite foods again. It is constantly going in cycles. 

4. Be their advocate: Never be afraid to question anything that is being done to your child. Don't allow someone to bully you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with either. Get a second and third opinion if it will put you at ease and make you feel better. If you don't like the way a nurse, doctor, or CPA is treating your child don't bat an eyelash when you ask to never have them near your child again. You want the absolute best of the best taking care of your child, never settle for anything less than that especially when you will be dealing with the same people over and over again. We have nurses, doctors, and CPAs that we adore, and we also have a very small list of ones I won't allow to even enter Arley's room.

5. Treat them just like everyone else: I am never one to want to have Arley feel excluded. Sometimes there are physical limitations, but she doesn't need special treatment. 

6. I don't care what people think: As I have gotten older I have become better at not caring what people think. Of course within reason, but when it comes to having a sick child, I definitely don't care. Spending days upon days in the hospital sometimes you lack the energy to shower, brush your hair or even change your clothes. Trust me, as a single parent I am definitely not looking to impress anybody in a hospital setting. More likely than not even if I showered and changed it won't be too much longer until I'm thrown up on again anyways. Let's just keep it real folks.

7. Cancer constantly takes its toll: Receiving a cancer diagnosis is a huge shock, but it's not a shock that instantly wears off either. It follows you around like a stalker. It invades your thoughts, your feelings, messes with your appetite, causes you to lose sleep. It's like waves in the ocean that constantly beat you down again and again. Sometimes though the waves are manageable, and those waves are the ones you have to hold tight on, because eventually they will help you get back to shore.

8. True friends come & go: This is one of the hardest things to learn. True friends will come and step up to the plate and be there for you whenever you need them. Then there are those whom you thought were friends that leave you so quick that there's a cloud of dust left in their wake. Strangers though, in a time of need, are usually the ones that step up and do more for you than anyone in your inner circle. We are living proof of that. All it takes is for one person to hear your story and to rally the troops together to send cards, well wishes, or anything they choose to in their hearts. They then become new friends and ones you hold close in your heart.

9. Showing emotions is a-okay: In the beginning, I cried a lot. I cried pretty much all the time and often wondered where all the tears came from. Every ounce of my body had been holding tears and they unleashed themselves like a tidal wave. At first I kept it hidden from Arley. I didn't want her to see my like that, but as time went on I would cry with her, in front of her, while stroking her hair as it fell out in clumps. Crying in front of her let her know that it was perfectly fine if she wanted to cry too. It reassures your child that they are free to feel whatever it is that they are feeling. We've been happy, scared, worried, angry, sad you name it. It certainly helps in the healing process.

10. You are Stronger than you think: Having a child with cancer will rock you to the core. Seeing your child go through a wave of experiences and not being able to do anything about it except for watch it happen will mess with your mind, body, and soul in ways you never thought imaginable. So many times people ask/say to me: 'I don't know how you do it.' Shit, I don't know how either, but what I do know is that I have to. I have no choice in the matter. (Just like she had no choice in being diagnosed with cancer) I'm her parent, the only one around to care for her so I have to. I may want to run and hide under a rock sometimes at how overwhelming everything is, but that teaches Arley absolutely nothing. You have to fight these challenges in life head on and grab the bull by the horns and let it know that you won't back down. You will fight this together and end up victorious. We are a team her and I and there is nothing in this world that we can't face together and come out on top of. That's a fact.

11. I will do anything and everything to make it easier: I will do anything to make this an easier process on Arley. I will happily sing Twinkle Little Star to her as I change a poopy diaper because the thought of it makes her gag. I will happily push her around in the stroller outside in the middle of the night because she tells me she doesn't feel well and the fresh air will help make it better. I will happily watch the same My Little Pony movie over and over for hours on end because that's what makes her the most comfortable. There is absolutely nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for this child even if the repetition makes me a bit crazy.