Confession

If I can be truly honest with myself here for a minute I have to admit that I am really struggling with Arley's hair loss. 

It hasn't even been a full week and that cute bob/pixie cut we did, what like not even three-four days ago is now long gone. We have reverted back to what I like to call the "new born" stage where there are patches of hair missing on her little head. The thin has become much thinner, and the color has changed drastically right before my eyes too.

All Arley has to do is just sit next to me and the hair literally just falls out of her head. There's nothing you can do to control it either. When we were out for a ride earlier today going around looking for donations for the benefit you should see the headrest to her car seat, it was like a magnet that took her hair away.

I literally have no idea what to do. It needs to be shaved, but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. She is fully aware of what is going on as I mentioned before her head itches and shes constantly touching her head and says "Mama my hair, my hair." It has started to effect her eating/drinking because it is everywhere and in everything.

This truly breaks my heart into a million little pieces. I thought the hair loss would be something gradual over a period of a few weeks or something so that I would have time to make sense of this change, but I didn't know that it would be so rapid, nobody warned me about that. Why didn't anyone warn me about how quick this would happen?

This.Shit.Fucking.Sucks like you have no freaking idea. I feel like I am seriously dying inside. It's just hair, I know, but my almost three year old now looks like she's about 18 months or younger. I feel like we are stuck in the Brad Pitt movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button trapped in a sick and twisted time warp. I seriously feel like we are traveling back in time to her younger days.

Earlier I went out with Jenn, Ryan's mom (you know Arley's boyfriend...) and she told me that shes growing Ryan's hair out so that when it comes time to shave Arley's the two of them could get it done together. That broke my heart into a thousand more little pieces. Seriously, sweetest fucking thing ever anyone has said to me in the last month since this happened. 

I honestly don't even want to go to the children's hospital on Tuesday. I don't want to hear a single comment about how Arley has started to lose her hair because I think I will probably lose my shit right there in the Oncology department. I swear it. I know they see this all the time and are probably used to it, but I don't even want it mentioned right now.

The only thing that would probably make me feel better at this point is if I can find some super adorable and highly fashionable Gymboree hats for her. I went to our local store down the street and the stock sucked and nothing was even remotely appealing which stinks because I have a 20% off coupon and a $10 off reward certificate to burn. Will probably take the 45 minuteish ride to the Outlets and see what they have in stock from last years inventory.

That will only be a temporary fix until I can work up the courage to shave Arley's hair completely but it's the least I can think of to do at this point. I know I can't keep prolonging the inevitable, but I can sure as hell try right?

Fuck.

That's all for now until next time friends...xoxo